Monday Affirmation

 Loving myself heals my life. I nourish my mind, body and soul.

Weekend Takeaway: Parenting and the Teen Brain...

Are you the kind of parent who would do anything to help your child grow up to be a happy, successful and independent adult? 

"Of course!" you answered.  Check out this video on how to help your teen practice good judgement and decision making

http://www.strongforparenting.com/index.asp

Becky Gosain, LCPC is NOVO's resident expert on working with families in difficult times.

Does someone you know have an obsession with calorie counting?

If you or someone you know is obsessed with calories and the fat content in foods, you or they will benefit from attending NOVO's Free Eating Disorder Support Group. This is just one of the many signs of an Eating Disorder.  To find out more, register today by calling 630-297-3617 or emailing mail@novocounsel.com.

Quote of the Day

If you are depressed, you are living in the past.

If you are anxious, you are living in the future. 

If you are at peace, you are living in the present.

~ Lao Tzu

Weekend Takeaway

https://www.facebook.com/?sk=welcome#!/NOVOCounsel

Announcement...

NOVO's very own Sue Underhill, LPC, MA will be speaking on

USING COGNITIVE BEHAVIORAL THERAPY WHILE TREATING LUPUS

for the Lupus Foundation of America. Click here for details.

Great advice for anyone...

Great advice for everybody, not just parents......

Wise parents spend the most physical and emotional energy on issues where they have some control, wasting very little energy on things they wish they could control.

Love and Logic Inc stats

Quote of the Day

We make a living by what we get.

We make a life by what we give.

~ Winston Churchill 

Like us?

Have you "Liked" us on Facebook yet?

All of our expert staff are doing a fantastic job keeping you informed with useful articles and what NOVO has going on.  Head over there now and see what's being said. 

Don't forget to click LIKE and tell your friends!

A case of the Mondays...

Have you ever heard that saying?

"I've got a case of the Mondays." It is interpreted as a negative feeling because someone is having a hard time getting motivated at the start of the week.

It may be Monday, but you've got a full day and week ahead - make the most of it!  Make that 'case of the Mondays' a positive affirmation, meaning Monday means a fresh start to another wonderful week!

How are you spending this Monday?

Resolutions

Have you set your goals for 2013?  Forget about grand New Years Resolutions! Set ONE change, ONE goal, that you want to make and DO IT - no matter how big or small. 

Let us know what your goal is.  We can't wait to hear from you!

Quote of the Day

"We cannot become what we want to be by remaining what we are"

~ Max Depree 

Quote of the Day

"Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other."
~ Abraham Lincoln

Is Food Controlling You?

 Is Food Controlling You?

...break free of the chain of bulimia, anorexia, and binge eating

Attend a Free Support Group lead by Sue Underhill, a Licensed Professional Counselor specializing in the treatment of eating disorders.

Why Should You Attend?

• You will be able to talk with others who share similar struggles
• You will learn how to overcome your eating disorder
• Find the help you need to take control of your eating and get healthy
• Learn to recognize the triggers of emotional eating disorders

WHEN:  2nd & 4th Monday of the month, 6:45-8:00pm, starting January 14th, 2013
WHERE:  NOVO: Renewing Joy in Life, LLC,
104 S. 2nd Avenue, St. Charles, IL 60174
WHAT:  Support Group structured for teenage girls and young adult women struggling with eating disorders

If interested in pre-registering or learning more, please contact Sue Underhill, LPC at NOVO
   Phone:  630-408-8020   Email: sue@novocounsel.com
 
More information about this ANAD support group can be found at    www.novocounsel.com/events or at www.ANAD.org

Quote of the Day

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection."

~ Buddha 

Happy Wednesday...

Happy Monday, Happy Wednesday, Happy Anyday!  As we near the end of another year of success, loss, struggles, triumphs, many of us start making resolutions for the upcoming year, that starting January 1st (fill in the blank).  Why wait until January 1st?  Why not now? Right this minute!? 

THE FUTURE STARTS TODAY NOT TOMORROW! 

Check out the picture on our Facebook Page and click LIKE.

COMING SOON...Neurofeedback

NOVO is proud to announce we are bringing Neurofeedback services to our practice soon.

What is Neurofeedback?

Neurofeedback, or neurotherapy, is biofeedback for the brain.  It has been used effectively to treat mood disorders, ADD/ADHD, brain injuries, sleep disorders, epilepsy and addictions. It has even been shown to have beneficial effects for those coping with autism and psychosis.  While it is not well known, it has been used for almost 40 years with none of the side effects common to drug therapies.

In addition to helping to correct dysfunctional brain patterns, it can be used to optimize brain functioning for individuals who want to “up their game.”  It does this by reducing inefficiencies and improving connectivity within the brain.

Neurofeedback provides clients with direct feedback about the state of particular brain wave activity in the form of audible tones or images on a computer screen to allow direct conscious manipulation of the target wave.  Like physical exercises to strengthen target muscles, these activities improve the functioning of the target pathways and create permanent changes to the brain.  It is a safe, natural, data guided treatment that corrects problems rather than covering them up.

Sign up for NOVO's Blog so you are kept informed on news.

FREE Support Group...

NOVO has a FREE Support Group starting January 14, 2013 for those struggling to break free of the chain of bulimia, anorexia, and binge eating.

Details for this FREE bi-monthly support group are as follows:

* Time: 2nd & 4th Monday of the month, 6:45-8:00pm, starting January 14th, 2013
* Location: NOVO: Renewing Joy in Life, LLC, 104 S. 2nd Avenue, St. Charles, IL 60174
* Group is structured for teenage girls and young adult women
* If interested in joining, please contact Sue Underhill, LPC at NOVO by calling 630-408-8020 to pre-register or with any questions you may have
* Further information about this ANAD support group can be found at www.novocounsel.com/events or at www.ANAD.org

The Importance of Our Stories

The Importance of Our Stories

By Carol McIntyre, LCSW

I’m a genealogy nut. I admit it. But those family stories have taught me tremendous lessons in the power of the human spirit. Understanding the past of those we have loved (and perhaps lost) provide teaching moments for ourselves, our family, friends and coworkers. Through our experiences, we are writing the stories of our lives each day. Here are a few ways we can “write our stories” and work toward influencing the outcome in our Book of Life.

Happiness is Overrated!

Happiness is Overrated! (Or Why we Look for it in All the Wrong Places!)

by Carol McIntyre, L.C.S.W.

 
Look in any self-help section at your local bookstore and you will find any number of books on developing, capturing, maintaining or remaining happy. Why are we so obsessed with happiness? What is it about happiness that makes us seek it so intently and yet not identify it when it is right in front of us?

Just what is happiness? The dictionary defines it as a state of well-being and contentment and a pleasurable or satisfying experience.  According to Aristotle, “happiness depends upon ourselves”. Albert Schweitzer called happiness “nothing more than good health and a bad memory”.

Just like the song Looking for Love (in all the wrong places), we do the same thing with happiness. Are we looking for material, emotional or spiritual happiness? I learned some time ago that my happiness depended on me. Not on my possessions, debt or wealth, being married or single but me and my attitude toward me. All too often, we start to live our lives through the hindsight of regret, and that is when we, indeed, lose our happiness.

Happiness throughout life – yes, it changes! What made me happy as a 20 year old is quite different than what I view as happiness as a fifty something who is looking at senior citizen status just around the corner. Happiness is relevant to age and stage of life. Learning how to view ourselves as a creation of God, set upon a path with a mission to complete helps us to realize the big picture is far more important than the details.

Our mission, whatever that is, allows us to discover self-acceptance and a sense of wellbeing.  It also helps us to realize that our missions are transient. When we are finished with a life task, it is perfectly alright to move on to another or spend a bit of time basking in the glory of a completed task. But we must be open to the experience.

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.  -Mahatma Gandhi

Moody Kids? Sibling fights?

 MOODY KIDS? SIBLING FIGHTS? HERE'S HELP:
 
Q: How do I get my kids to stop being so moody? It just irritates the heck out of me. I try to give them games to play and engage, but then end up yelling. And it doesn't do any good. So how do I get them to change their attitudes?

A: I know how irritating it can be to be in the same room with a moody teenager ...or 15 moody kids at a time. But allow
 me to challenge you with this question.
 
What gives us the right to dictate another person's emotions or moods? On days that you feel irritable, would you like your husband to tell you to "just get over it"? Kids are allowed to be moody if they want. Here's the real issue:

Why do you need your child to be happy or in a good mood?

Just so you don't think I'm being a jerk, I used to do this all the time with my wife. If she didn't respond "the right way" or the way I needed in the morning, I'd ask her, "What's wrong? Can I do something to help you?" Was I really interested in helping her? Not really. I wanted to CHANGE her mood...so that I could be in a good mood. I was allowing her mood to determine my mood. Huge trap.

If you try to control other people's behavior, it always leads to power struggles and frustration. Instead, we need to have this attitude:

~~You are allowed to be moody and unhappy.
 ~~Your mood does not determine my mood.
~~I am not responsible for your happiness or your mood. You are.
~~ I am responsible for my own mood. The most effective way to change my child's behavior is to control my own.
~~If you need help because something is bothering you, I'd be thrilled to help you (but I'm not going to change you).

Can you control your own anxiety, lecturing, perfectionism? If not, this will rob you of peace, joy and healthy relationships.

Two siblings are squabbling. Instead of yelling at them to stop, Mom and Dad sit on the living room floor and play a board game, laughing and enjoying themselves. Guess how this affects the kids? They ask, "What are you guys doing?" You reply, "Oh nothing, just playing a game. You guys can keep fighting and being miserable since you seem to enjoy it, but we're having fun in here." The kids will join you.

Your daughter is slouched on the sofa, pouting and harrumphing. Instead of lecturing ("I don't see why you have to be so ungrateful...") or making a snide comment, you walk by and say sweetly: "I can tell something is bothering you. I'm going to get some popcorn and sit on the porch. Happy to listen to you if you want to join me."
 
Now you are giving your intensity to your kids in a positive way (rather than yelling at them), modeling how to get along and connecting with them. Or you can continue "getting on them" and trying to change them, which will only engender defiant kids who do not trust you.

There is no guilt in anything we do. But you do have to be honest. So many of the power struggles in your home occur because of your anxiety and control issues. You can't stop lecturing or yelling. You must change that. My way or the highway is what babies say. Seriously.
 
Source: www.celebratecalm.com

Holidays with the Older Adult

Holidays with the Older Adult 

By NOVO's own: Carol McIntyre, LCSW, C-ASWCM

For most people the holiday season is hectic, busy and at times, overwhelming. For caregiving family members, the holidays often mean loss and sadness at seeing a loved one who was once vibrant and healthy, now frail, sometimes with failing hearing, eyesight, memory and cognition.

How do we cope with the inevitable changes life brings to our elders? Some people use the tactic of “everything is just fine and we will have a normal holiday”. This might bring disappointment if they are expecting Mom or Dad to help with holiday preparations and due to illness or changing cognitive or memory status, they are just not able to cope with the hustle and bustle. Let’s take a look at the aging adult.

The older adult who has experienced major health or memory problems needs more time to recharge their batteries than the rest of us. Body parts are wearing out and so they are a lot less willing to go out for a day of shopping at the mall. Ambient noise makes it harder to communicate for an elder than for the under 60 adult. Hearing declines to a degree in old age and for those who worked in loud environments in their working lives, the oft repeated “huh?” is not as much a couldn’t understand, but as a lost ability to hear high tones, called Presbycusis. If you are hard of hearing, everyone knows it but you. Auditory processing slows also.   Vision declines in old age as well.

I couldn’t imagine that the light gathering ability of our eyes at age 60 is 1/5th that of our ability at age 20, making fine print on price tags and even name badges a challenge until my eye doctor told me to wear my reading glasses full time when I was in my early 50’s. I have discovered that I now struggle to read much of anything in low light without my glasses, and my arms are just not long enough to hold the paper at the right distance to read 10 or 12 point type. Computer use has intensified this, and while dim light is very romantic in a restaurant, it makes reading the menu a challenge! So the last place an elder with declining hearing or vision wants to be is at Chuck E Cheese or a noisy sports bar because the brain just cannot keep up with the myriad of things going on in a bustling restaurant or crowded shopping mall.

Older people don’t move as well, either. We can complain of visits from Arthur-itis in our youth and middle age following an injury, but after age 60 is when it really starts to catch up and intensifies. If the knees and hips aren’t working efficiently, our balance is affected. Poor posture and sedentary work also impact our balance and endurance. Falls are the number one cause of injuries in the over 60 demographic and if balance is poor, the elder is less likely to want to walk and it becomes a self-fulfilling cycle of decline.

Next time you visit your elder, take a look at their medicine chest or kitchen cupboard and inventory the medicines and over the counter supplements. Medicines have side effects that can impact hearing, vision and balance. Find activities that will interest but not exhaust them after a day out. In our complex world, think of the simple pleasures such as watching the grandkids play in the park, driving looking at the countryside, or even a trip to the local ice cream drive in. The “Wow!” moments can be found even in slower activities. A quiet conversation over tea and cookies with Mom/Grandma or a small home project working alongside Dad/Grandpa with one of his interests can create memories for a lifetime. For you and your kids.

Get ready, get set,...it's December

It's December and we're off to the races!  Have you gotten your decorations out of the attic, have your tree, your gift exchange names, teacher gifts, neighbor gifts, friend gifts, your kids' wish lists, family gifts, boss gifts, co-worker white elephant...the list can literally go on f-o-r-e-v-e-r!  We want to know what you are doing to get yourself prepared.  Making gifts?  Have a go-to gift for everyone?  Gift-buying strategies?  Have decorating parties with friends to help each other out? 

We're listening...

Quote of the Day

"The most wasted of all days is one without laughter."

~ E.E. Cummings 

Tip #9 for Busting Holiday Depression

NUMBER 9 ~ Exercise Your Funny Bone

By Therese J. Borchard, originally published on Beyond Blue at Beliefnet.com

“Time spent laughing is time spent with the gods,” says a Japanese proverb. So, if you’re with someone who thinks he’s God, the natural response would be to laugh! But seriously folks, research shows that laughing is good for your health. And, unlike exercise, it’s always enjoyable! The funniest people in my life are those who have been to hell and back, bought the T-shirt, and then accidentally shrunk it in the wash. Humor kept them alive–physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Remember, with a funny bone in place — even if it’s in a cast — everything is tolerable.

Tip #8 for Busting Holiday Depression

NUMBER EIGHT ~ Get Out of Yourself

By Therese J. Borchard, originally published on Beyond Blue at Beliefnet.com

According to Gandhi, the best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in service to others. But that doesn’t necessarily mean holding a soup ladle. Since my name and the word “kitchen” have filed a restraining order on each other, I like to think there are a variety of ways you can serve others.
Matthew 6:21 says “for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” In other words, start with the things you like to do. For me, that is saying a rosary for a depressed Beyond Blue reader, or visiting a priest-friend who needs encouragement and support in order to continue his ministry, or helping talented writer friends get published. I’d like to think this is service, too, because if those people are empowered by my actions, then I’ve contributed to a better world just as much as if I had dished out mashed potatoes to a homeless person at a shelter.

Tip #7 for Busting Holiday Depression

NUMBER SEVEN ~ Make Your Own Traditions

By Therese J. Borchard, originally published on Beyond Blue at Beliefnet.com

Of course, you don’t need the “polyester” rule if you ban holiday travel altogether. That’s what I did this year. As the daughter/sister who abandoned her family in Ohio by moving out east, it has always been my responsibility to travel during the holidays. But my kids are now four and six. I can’t continue to haul the family to the Midwest every year. We are our own family. So I said this to my mom a few weeks ago: “It’s very important that I spend time with you, but I’d like to do it at a less stressful time, like the summer, when traveling is easier.” She wasn’t thrilled, but she understood.
Making your own tradition might mean Christmas Eve is reserved for your family and the extended family is invited over for brunch on Christmas Day. Or vice versa. Basically, it’s laying down some rules so that you have better control over the situation. As a people-pleaser who hates to cook, I make a better guest than host, but sometimes serenity comes in taking the driver’s seat, and telling the passengers to fasten their seatbelts and be quiet.

Happy Thanksgiving from NOVO!

We wish you well during your Thanksgiving celebrations.  Here a few Thanksgiving quotes to send you on a day filled with gratitude and an appreciative outlook.

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow." 

~ Melody Beattie

"Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence."

~ Erma Bombeck

"Thanksgiving Day is a jewel, to set in the hearts of honest men; but be careful that you do not take the day, and leave out the gratitude."

~ E.P. Powell

"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them." 

~ John Fitzgerald Kennedy
 
"If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, "thank you," that would suffice."

~ Meister Eckhart

Tip #6 for Busting Holiday Depression

NUMBER SIX ~ Travel With Polyester, Not Linen

By Therese J. Borchard, originally published on Beyond Blue at Beliefnet.com

By this, I DO NOT mean sporting the polyester skirt with the red sequined reindeer. I’m saying that you should lower your standards and make traveling as easy as possible, both literally and figuratively. Do you really want to be looking for an iron for that beautiful linen or cotton dress when you arrive at your destination? I didn’t think so — life’s too short for travel irons.
I used to be adamantly opposed to using a portable DVD player in the car to entertain the kids because I thought it would create two spoiled monsters whose imaginations had rotted courtesy of Disney. One nine-hour car trip home to Ohio for Christmas, I cried uncle after six hours of constant squabbling and screaming coming from the back seat. Now David and Katherine only fight over which movie they get to watch first. If you have a no-food rule policy for the car, I’d amend that one during the holidays as well. 

Tip #5 for Busting Holiday Depression

NUMBER 5 ~ Know Thyself

By Therese J. Borchard, originally published on Beyond Blue at Beliefnet.com

In other words, identify your triggers. As a highly sensitive person (as described in Elaine Aron’s book, “The Highly Sensitive Person”), I know that my triggers exist in a petri dish of bacteria known as the Westfield Annapolis Mall. Between Halloween and New Years, I won’t go near that place because Santa is there and he scares me with his long beard, which holds in its cute white curls every virus of every local preschool. Before you make too many plans this holiday season, list your triggers: people, places, and things that tend to trigger your fears and bring out your worst traits.

Tip #4 for Busting Holiday Depression

NUMBER 4 ~ Avoid Toxic People

By Therese J. Borchard, originally published on Beyond Blue at Beliefnet.com

This one’s difficult if the toxic people happen to be hosting Christmas dinner! But in general, just try your best to avoid pernicious humans in December. And if you absolutely must see such folks, then allow only enough time for digestion and gift-giving. Drink no more than one glass of wine in order to preserve your ability to think rationally. You don’t want to get confused and decide you really do love these people, only to hear them say something horribly offensive two minutes later, causing you to storm off all aggravated and hurt. (This would also be a good time to remember Rule #1.)

Tip #2 for busting Holiday Depression

NUMBER TWO ~ Remember to “SEE”

By Therese J. Borchard

Eating well and exercise are co-dependent, at least in my body, because my biggest motivator for exercising is the reduction in guilt I feel about splurging on dessert. Large quantities of sugar or high fructose corn syrup can poison your brain. If you know your weak spot–the end of the table where Aunt Judy places her homemade hazelnut holiday balls–then swim, walk, or jog ten extra minutes to compensate for your well-deserved treat. Another acronym to remember during the holidays is HALT: don’t get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired.

Tip #3 for Busting Holiday Depression

NUMBER THREE ~ Beef Up Your Support

By Therese J. Borchard, originally published on Beyond Blue at Beliefnet.com

If you attend Al-Anon once a week, go twice a week during the holidays. If you attend a yoga class twice a week, try to fit in another. Schedule an extra therapy session as insurance against the potential meltdowns ahead of you. Pad yourself with extra layers of emotional resilience by discussing in advance specific concerns you have about X, Y, and Z with a counselor, minister, or friend (preferably one who doesn’t gossip).
In my life with two young kids, this means getting extra babysitters so that if I have a meltdown in Starbucks like I did two years ago–before I knew the mall was menacing to my inner peace–I will have an extra ten minutes to record in my journal what I learned from that experience.

Tips for busting Holiday Depression

It’s supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year, but not if negative emotions take hold of your holidays. So let’s be honest. The holidays are packed with stress and therefore provoke tons of depression and anxiety leading up to Thanksgiving all the way through to January.

But there is hope. Whether you're fretting about something as trite as stocking stuffers or as complicated as managing difficult family relationships, think about the following rules that Therese J. Borchard learned over the years. In the coming weeks NOVO will share all NINE rules that will help you put the joy back into the festivities — or at least keep you from hurling a mistletoe at Santa and landing yourself on the “naughty” list.

NUMBER ONE ~ Expect the Worst

Now that’s a cheery thought for this jolly season. What I’m trying to say is that you have to predict bad behavior before it happens so that you can catch it in your holiday mitt and toss it back, instead of having it knock you to the floor. It’s simple math, really. If every year for the last decade, Uncle Ted has given you a bottle of Merlot, knowing full well that you are a recovering alcoholic and have been sober for more years than his kids have been out of diapers, you can safely assume he will do this again. So what do you do? Catch it in your “slightly-annoyed” mitt. (And maybe reciprocate by giving him a cheese basket for his high cholesterol.)
 

Have you ever thought "If only (blank) would change...".  I have. I bet you have, too.  

The Chicago Tribune had an interesting article on how we can alter our thought patterns so we don't fall into the abyss of "if only they would change, things would be better".  We can only control ourselves and our thoughts.  Read the article here. 

We haven't heard from you...

We requested last week that you provide us your feedback regarding the Parent University Weekend but we haven't heard what you thought.  NOVO wants to provide to the community workshops/groups to instill confidence in what you do and arm you with education to better handle the challenges in your life.  Tell us what you thought when you read about Parent University Weekend. 

Honesty is the best quality - tell us your thoughts!  We can't wait to hear from you.

ONE WEEK AWAY ~ Have you registered yet?

Have you registered for our upcoming Parent University?  

Where else can you find the information you NEED to:

~ parent more effectively 

~ communicate clearly with your spouse, partner, ex-spouse to enable you to be on the same "parenting page"

~ find out strategies to provide care for yourself and your child with special needs

If you haven't reserved your spot before today, we want to know why?

Cost? Too much of a time commitment? Location? Topics? Another reason?

We want to hear from you! 

Email us at mail@novocounsel.com, find us on facebook.com/NOVOCounsel or call us at 630-297-3617.  We can't wait to hear from you!